Inspiring Women Who Are Rethinking Drinking Volume 13
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Meet Melissa
Our latest Inspiring Woman is Melissa, whose decision to stop drinking almost 20 years ago enabled her to steward her family through grief. Read her story here.
First, tell us a little about yourself!
My name is Melissa McAfee. I am a single mom (widowed) with two kids. I’m a realtor in Kelowna, BC. Canada. My kids lost their dad to cancer in 2019 … And I sobered up way back in 2004 (on Mother’s Day!)
What has your relationship with alcohol been like prior to rethinking drinking?
It was not a good relationship. I drank to avoid feeling things… I overanalyzed everything in my life and began to find any little reason to drink. Before long my life was filled with drama and turmoil… and I was drinking daily to try and numb myself.
Have you learned anything about your health in relation to alcohol that was surprising or that you wish you had known earlier?
I have learned how to cope with stress better. I try and exercise (or clean my house!). I’ve learned that ’this too shall pass’ and feelings of discomfort aren’t permanent.
What are some benefits you have experienced since rethinking drinking?
I have a lot less drama in my life! My children never knew me as a drinker, and I’m very proud of how I’ve been able to parent them. They’ve suffered tremendous loss at a young age, and I’ve been able to help them navigate that loss while working on healthier ways to process my own grief.
What were some common triggers you noticed that caused you to want to grab a glass of wine and what are you doing now to surf the urge?
I’m actually a runner now! I have a treadmill in my garage and I plug in a podcast (true crime I’m embarrassed to admit) and after I get off the treadmill whatever was worrying me doesn’t seem like such a big deal any more..
I’ve noticed you’ve shared your love of mocktails on your Instagram account - any favourites?
I personally love a Sprite with some mint leaves and lime juice. Sometimes I throw some lime Bubbly in too… It’s an easy virgin mojito!
How did removing alcohol from your life contribute to your role as a Mom and professional?
It’s not even comparable. It’s not an option for me. I wouldn’t be here if I’d kept drinking. No doubt in my mind. My kids would lose both parents.
Has the change in your relationship with alcohol been easy or difficult? What do you think contributed to this for you? What resources helped?
It’s been mostly easy… Once I made the commitment. I started going to meetings and helping other people. I sobered up in Vancouver… I washed a lot of coffee cups in church basements for my first few years! Alcoholics Anonymous has been tremendously helpful for me.
What advice would you give to someone starting the rethink drinking? What do you wish you had known before starting your own journey?
I have told sponsees in the past… Are you really ready to quit? Have you had enough? Are you sick and tired of feeling sick and tired? IF you have… Do the work. LISTEN. Don’t overthink it. Be of service. And truly - at the risk of sounding completely cliche - take it one day at a time. Sometimes it’s one minute at at time.
Is there anything else you’d like to share about your journey?
I wish there wasn’t the stigma attached to drinking and alcoholism. I wish people were better able to be vulnerable and share how they’re feeling. Life is hard, it’s not everything we see on social media and sometimes I just wish people could be more ‘real’ and ‘raw’ about the hard...
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s the best decision I ever made.
You can connect with Melissa on Instagram @melissa__mcafee
