Inspiring Women Who Are Rethinking Drinking Volume 12

Meet Kristen

Our latest Inspiring Woman is Kristen, who is rethinking her tumultuous relationship with alcohol to support her health and well being! Read her story here.

First, tell us a little about yourself!

Hello! My name is Kristen, and I wear many hats and often think about how best to introduce myself. I’m a mama to a 3 year old boy, wife, certified integrative nutrition health coach and host of The Feel Better podcast and am coming up on 20 years in my Human Resources career. I’m a Taurus and feel most at peace in nature, which is why I love living in Los Angeles, where we have beautiful weather year-round, mountains for hiking and the beach for grounding. I spend my free time reading, recording and editing the podcast, hiking, cooking, and driving out to Malibu any chance I get.

What has your relationship with alcohol been like prior to rethinking drinking?

Tumultuous to say it best. Before I gave it any thought, drinking was a way to completely check out. There was no pacing or middle ground - it was drink a lot and fast and then do it again the next day until work came around again and I had to be a “normal” person, which I did very well. I surrounded myself with other people who had a similar mindset and never thought there was anything wrong with trashing my body and brain every weekend.

What was the moment you decided to rethink drinking?

I’m sure this is relatable, but there were many hangover days that prompted me to Google “signs of an alcoholic”, and I was always able to determine that there was no problem. But when I really started focusing on health and well-being, I started giving it more thought. I remember doing a juice cleanse and not drinking for 12 days and I thought that was INSANELY impressive. I then noticed that if I went two weeks, I looked and felt better and wasn’t bloated, so I’d skip a weekend of imbibing, which led to an improved mindset. Gradually, I started saying no to dinners and outings in which I only knew how to drink and again, noticed how much better I felt.

A pivotal moment was when I started dating someone who was in AA. He was a pretty shitty human in the end but we actually dated, rather than joined together as drinking partners. To embark on activities and spend time getting to know someone and doing fun things without alcohol really opened my eyes to a different way of living. Of course, when we broke up, I got right back into it, but I had seen a different way of living, and I think I knew then that some day I’d commit to that. I also started to recognize the fact that alcohol had woven its way into every. Single. Thing. Work happy hours, birthday drinks, funeral drinks, concert drinks, art show free wine, brunch drinks, hangover drinks, holiday drinks, vacation drinks, Netflix drinks, post-hike drinks, after-cleaning-my-apartment drinks, etc. I recognized that this was probably not good for me, but still pushed the thought aside most of the time. 

Has the change in your relationship with alcohol been easy or difficult? What do you think contributed to this for you? 

It’s been both. Sometimes I can go months without alcohol and think nothing of it and other times I have a moment of weakness, indulge and then it takes a few weeks or months to get back on track. It feels easy at 1 pm and hard at 6 pm. It feels easy on a good day and challenging after a stressful day. It feels easy on a stressful day and difficult after a great day. It’s been a really interesting journey, and I sit here writing this on another day 1, but with full confidence that the bumps in the road are all part of the journey. I do think that surrounding myself with sober or sober-curious people helps tremendously, and I’m lucky to have a partner who could take it or leave it. 

Have you learned anything about your health in relation to alcohol that was surprising or that you wish you had known earlier? 

Absolutely and I think this is the most important piece for me and what I want others to know. Alcohol is so incredibly detrimental to our physical and mental wellbeing. The way that it impacts your REM sleep, causes inflammation, messes with the production of dopamine and increases anxiety, causes dysbiosis in the gut, and even cancer (it’s literally a carcinogen) just blows my mind. There is such a disconnect between the way alcohol is marketed and what it really is and does to our bodies. I wish I had known this sooner and hadn’t been fooled by the glamorization. 

What kind of tools/prompts/books/podcasts have you found helpful on your journey?

I loved the book Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whittaker and I am also a member of Tempest [an online alcohol recovery group]. I follow many sober women on Instagram and try to focus on my health and well being whenever I’m tempted to imbibe. What I have found as the most useful tool of all is the space in between the thought and the action. If I have those thoughts after a day at the beach that creep in, like ‘how nice would a cold glass of wine be right now after this amazing sandy, salty day’, I wait and recognize that I’m actually just really thirsty and in that old thought pattern of wanting to “enhance” a good moment. If I wait, it passes. When I allow this space, I never decide I would be better off having that glass (bottle +) of wine. I have only ever been SO relieved that I didn’t (especially the next day)!

What are some benefits you have experienced since rethinking drinking?

So many! Weight loss, mental clarity, less anxiety, better sleep, better mood, more energy, commitment to the things I say I’m going to do, better focus with work, I’ve spent less money, avoided dangerous situations, made real connections with people, read more, cooked more, my skin glows, I’m hydrated, I’m happier. I’ve also been able to share my experience with others and educate them so that they have the information I didn’t have.

What were some common triggers you noticed that caused you to want to grab a glass of wine and what are you doing now to surf the urge? 

I’m a highly productive person (also working on this) and I tend to pile too much on my plate. I then feel the need to “reward” myself with wine in order to relax after all of my hard work. What helps me to “surf the urge” is to do less. I also have found that creating that space between thinking about wine and drinking the wine allows the craving to pass. I’ve reframed my thinking around “reward” and “enhancement” and remind myself that a great day or a fun adventure isn’t better with alcohol. I try to sit in that feeling of happiness and joy rather than looking for a way to make it better or thinking about what’s next. There is a lesson of presence and patience for me in this and I think about that often, as well as the outcome of not taking that pause and following through on my impulse to drink. 

How did removing alcohol from your life contribute to your role as a Mom and professional?

I used to think that being buzzed made me a more fun mom, but then I realized that even though I may be more playful for a few hours, it’s pretty much a guarantee that I won’t be nearly as fun the next day, so why not be 90% every day than 99% one day and 40% the next? Week after week of that actually robs my son of the quality time I thought he was getting when I had some wine. I also find that as a professional, I’m more productive throughout the entire week because I’m not dragging on Monday and mentally checked out on Friday.

What advice would you give to someone starting the rethink drinking?

It is not a linear journey and it is individual to you. Think about it, read about it, look at life from different perspectives but ultimately, understand yourself, your triggers, your traumas, what you’ve been taught, and do what works for you. However you have to get there, that’s the right way. I also look at it as a bit of a rebellion, which makes it feel cool. If everyone is drinking all the time, just think how much more interesting you can be by going against the grain (pun intended)? My #1 piece of advice is to educate yourself. Learn the facts about what alcohol does to your body and brain.

What do you wish you had known before starting your own journey?

That not everyone drinks. I only knew what life looked like with people who drank and had no idea that not everyone’s parents drank and all baby showers didn’t consist of copious amounts of champagne. I wish I knew that it wasn’t normal and the effect it has on the brain. This is why I love Sarah Kate and the Rethinking Drinking movement. It gets people thinking and shows another way!

You can connect with Kristen’s health and career coaching practice on Instagram @holistic.w.kristen. She is also the host of the Feel Better Podcast (IG: @thefeelbetterpodcast)