Are you an accidental teetotaler?
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So you’re curious about being sober curious, but not sure how this whole ‘not drinking’ thing can possibly work? Maybe you’re what I call an Accidental Teetotaler like me, on the path with no set plans of how it needs to go – but travelling nonetheless. In my own journey, I’ve identified some recognizable guideposts and am sharing them here to help you on your own trip!
Stage 1 – The FOMO Stage
You’ve been thinking about ditching the drinks for a while. You’ve done Dry January for the last few years and were surprised by how much you enjoyed it – you’ve even considered what it would be like to keep it going, but haven’t quite gotten there yet. Sober-curious September sounds tempting, but you’ve got a Mom’s Night Out scheduled to celebrate back to school and you can’t do that without wine right? And what about Labour Day weekend at the cottage …. Can you really do this?
Stage 2 – The Annie Grace Stage
Plagued by the question above, you start Googling “quit drinking” to see what the wisdom of the Internet has to offer. Annie Grace’s name pops up everywhere, so you buy “This Naked Mind” and start reading. A slow feeling of annoyance overtakes you as she explains the tricks that alcohol has been playing on you (and society at large) these many years. How dare the industry dupe women into trading in real confidence for so-called Dutch courage! And how dare it steal your sleep? That’s what children are for!
Stage 3 – The “We’re On A Break” Stage
30 days. 3 months. A year. Whatever the timeframe is, you’re doing it – and this time you’re doing it for yourself, not because it’s January. And you’re not gritting your teeth through it or resigning yourself to a month of being anti-social and binge-watching Netflix on the couch every weekend like you do in January, either. Perhaps you’re going to use the extra time for self-care, or you’re going to make fancy mocktails and #liveyourbestlife. When you socialize, it’s not too difficult because when people ask, you can say you’re doing a 30 day ‘cleanse’ and move on - no awkward explanations required.
Stage 4 – Now What?
The break period is done … but you’re kind of liking this new thing you’ve got going. You’re sleeping better and your anxiety is lower. Your skin looks better and you’ve got more energy. It’s nice to not worry about designated drivers or whether you’re going to have a hangover.But a lifelong commitment to not drinking? That seems a little excessive. After all, you could just have one glass here and there … even though you kinda sorta don’t really want to … So maybe 30 days becomes 3 months? Or maybe 3 months becomes 4? Maybe you’ll just give it a try and see what happens. After all, you’ve gone this long, it might be fun to see if you can keep the streak going a little longer …
Stage 5 – The Accidental Teetotaler Phase
It’s now been 6 months. Or a year. Or five years. Perhaps you haven’t touched a drop. Perhaps you had a sip of champagne on New Years to be celebratory and that’s it. Or perhaps you had one night of drinking that reminded you why you started the journey to start with. In any case, you’re looking back at your sober curious journey with a mix of pride and confusion. Has it really been that long? How did it seem like such a big deal when you started? After all, you’ve done vacations, weddings, parties, cottages, work events, and plain old boredom, without letting wine take centre stage. Turns out life goes on just fine without alcohol. You’re still you (just without those annoying hangovers). Will it be forever? It doesn’t matter, because you know that was the wrong question all along. The right question is, what serves you right now?
Editor’s Note: If you need more support for your sober curious journey, there are numerous sober coaches out there that you can work with. And as always, if alcohol is taking a serious toll on your life or you are dealing with addiction, please talk to your healthcare provider for help accessing the advice and resources you need.
