Five Things To Say When Someone Isn't Drinking
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When someone has made the decision to quit drinking, be it for a night or for a lifetime, it can be hard to resist the temptation. Habits are habits for a reason, and drinking is easy to do, and considered socially acceptable. It can be especially hard for someone to not imbibe when they are made to feel bad about their decision.
So, the next time you are out with a friend, and they say to you, “I’m not drinking tonight,” here are five helpful responses that might make your friend feel validated, supported and loved.
“That is exciting! Do you want to talk about it?”
Opening the door to communication with genuine enthusiasm is never a bad idea. At worst, your friend might say no, and you move on to the next topic. At best, they say yes, and the door to conversation is open. You might learn a new thing or two while being the awesome friend that you are.
“Why don’t we go to [insert delicious dessert place] instead of a bar?”
It’s a wonderful time to be not drinking. No longer are the days of ice water and lemon or cranberry sodas. There are delicious alcohol-free options available at many bars and restaurants. However, it might be a nice change for both of you to go somewhere where alcohol isn’t front and center. I know that when I quit drinking, I replaced my love of wine with a love for sweets, and I haven’t looked back since. Just because you quit drinking, doesn’t mean you have to quit indulging or enjoying other pleasures in life. Say yes to the dessert!
“How are you feeling about it? What has changed for you so far?”
Or anything along these lines to continue the conversation about why your loved one quit in the first place. When you stop drinking, you often marvel at the little things: Your skin looks a little better. You might wake up with more energy, or your workouts seem easier. It all adds up. It’s nice to talk about the benefits of quitting and focus on the positive changes that are happening.
“How can I support you and make it easier?”
Each person is different in how they like to be supported, and will likely have different needs, based upon how much they were drinking and why they decided to stop. This kind of open-ended question allows your friend to communicate what they need in that particular moment. Your support will allow them to build a steady foundation of sobriety and help inspire a more optimistic attitude in them. They can do it!
“I’m proud of you. I’m here for you. I love you.”
Love is always the answer. If you are sincere and want to be a good friend, proceed with love and thoughtfulness. Quitting alcohol can be a difficult experience to go through, with many trial runs, and perceived failures. It makes it easier knowing that you can count on someone, and talk to them when you are feeling down, ashamed, worried, or proud!
Open mindedness is key
If you want to support your friend, do so with an open heart and mind. Ask them questions and actively listen to their responses. It may not be easy to understand the depth of emotions that someone might be experiencing when they stop drinking, but I promise you that you can make a difference in their life by being supportive, listening, asking questions, and responding with love and curiosity.
About the author
Ariel Ng Bourbonnais is a writer, sober-yoga-teaching mama, and infertility awareness advocate. After struggling with years of infertility, Ariel realized the benefits of a regular yoga practice, writing, and finding humour during hard times. She is a published author of Through, Not Around - Stories of Infertility and Pregnancy Loss (Dundurn Press). She has been regularly practising yoga since 2014, completing 240 hours of teacher training in 2021.
