Three Tips For Being The Non Drinker At The Party

Let’s face it - we live in an alcohol-centric culture, and being at a party or social event as a non-drinker can feel awkward and uncomfortable, especially when it’s new. The thing is, it can be just as uncomfortable for the drinkers in the group - they may wonder whether you are okay with them drinking, whether you’re judging their choices, or even whether you want to be there at all! It’s natural for us to feel self-conscious in these situations, but sometimes shifting the focus off of ourselves and onto others can help us feel more comfortable and confident in social situations. So in that spirit, here are a few suggestions of pitfalls to avoid the next time you’re the non-drinker at the party - and what to do instead.

Instead of over-explaining, minimize.

In my experience, most people don’t really care whether or not someone is drinking. But often people will ask, if only because drinking is the expected default. I’ve learned first-hand that although we may feel inclined to justify, explain or defend our choices, it’s best to keep it simple. I’ve definitely been guilty of over-explaining myself to the point of awkwardness. Getting into the details of how white wine aggravates my perimenopause symptoms over cocktails is sort of, well … over-share-y, to say the least.

Instead, try keeping it simple. With most (not all, I know) people, having a few stock lines at the ready can put everyone at ease: “I’m good for now but you go ahead”, or “I’m not drinking but I can’t wait to try those appies you’ve put out”, or something similarly low key reassures everyone that you are comfortable and they should be to. For those that push for more information, you can share your reasons in more depth if you choose to, or you can simply say you have an early morning ahead, or you’re driving (this is a good one since it’s widely accepted that drivers should drink minimally or not at all), and try to change the topic.

Instead of standing back, jump in!

The myth of liquid courage is strong in our culture, but the truth is, alcohol doesn’t give you anything you don’t have already. And yes, it can lower your inhibitions (arguably NOT a good thing, as anyone who has said or done something embarrassing when imbibing can attest!) but you know what else lowers inhibitions? Time.

Don’t believe me? Go into a corporate seminar, a church coffee hour, or a classroom, and observe the noise level right at the beginning, versus 30 minutes in. There’s an excellent chance the volume has increased simply because everyone has had a chance to scope out the situation, find someone to chat with, and relax.

So instead of standing around feeling you can’t be part of the fun because you’re not drinking, try this … have faith that your initial inhibitions will often dissipate naturally if you allow them to. And then maybe even lean into it a little. Introduce yourself to someone you haven’t met before. Give your host a huge, unexpected hug to thank them for having you. Maybe even say “I love you, man” to an old friend because you actually love them, rather than because you’ve had one too many pinots.

Instead of evangelizing, let your choice speak for itself.

Chances are you’ve experienced some of the positive effects of rethinking drinking and reducing or eliminating alcohol. After all, we wouldn’t make a lifestyle choice so against the societal grain if there wasn’t some benefit to be reaped from the decision - better sleep, clearer skin, more energy, less anxiety, better relationships or an overall safer, healthier and happier life. And, as our fearless leader Sarah Kate once said, “Who among us hasn’t read Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind and gotten completely fired up” about the ways alcohol has snuck in its negative effects, all while posing as the saving grace of our social lives and sanity.

You might want to tell people at this party how great it is to live alcohol-free. You might hear a friend say they have trouble falling asleep and want to share that their evening chardonnay could be the culprit. You might be just dying to alert people to the cancer risks associated with alcohol. DO NOT DO IT (at least not at the party).

Instead, try this - go forward with your decision with confidence. Let your energy level rise, your skin glow, your anxiety diminish, your relationships improve, your health increase. Let yourself be at the party with a clear head, appreciating the very real joy of being around people you like. And don’t be surprised when someone - maybe just one person - asks you what you are doing differently. Or texts you the following week to ask if you did a Dry January or just gave it up, or what sort of kombucha you recommend.

A vibrant social life and an alcohol-free life definitely mix, and a little practice, confidence and kindness will help you get there.