Inspiring Women Who Are Rethinking Drinking Volume 7
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Meet Michelle
Our latest Inspiring Woman is Michelle Kapler, who shows us that acknowledging your urges and cravings is a powerful first step toward growth, and part of her rethinking drinking success story.
Meet Michelle, a builder: a life coach and podcast host, she is also a mother and a wife. Michelle’s rethinking drinking journey is about, among other things, a willingness to feel discomfort and practicing a kind of honesty and kindness toward herself that actually fosters growth. Michelle has found that when she makes the decision rethink drinking in social settings, she is able to show up AS herself and FOR herself. Ultimately, Michelle shows us that that how you get there can be just as meaningful as the end-result, that maybe there isn’t an end result, and that it’s okay to constantly be working toward goodness. Michelle shares that listening to yourself, your body and mind, is perhaps the most crucial step in any kind of substantial growth. Learn more about Michelle’s kind and beautiful journey below!
Tell us a bit about yourself — what do you do for a living?
I’m an entrepreneur at heart. I’ve had a few careers and have worn a few hats over the years. I’ve built things that I’m really proud of. One of them being a successful and busy acupuncture clinic in Toronto. We specialize in treating infertility and have helped a lot of people grow their families. I’ve created jobs for women. I’ve built a community.
That’s what makes me happy. Creating new things. Helping people make their lives better.
This is what is at the heart of my current project - my podcast (Just One Glass) - where we have a modern conversation about drinking and our lives as high achieving, successful mothers.
I’m also a mother of two young kids and a wife. I live out in the country with my family, on our little off-grid homestead.
What role has alcohol played in your life?
It was a concerning habit for a while. For years, in fact. I don’t identify as an alcoholic or an addict but I do consider myself to be someone who will always need to have a conscious and deliberate relationship with drinking.
Lately, I have been feeling so grateful for my journey with drinking. Not drinking has been the vehicle that I have used to become the next (and more amazing) version of myself. Everything in my life changed for the better when I stopped drinking. And I am so thankful for that!
“Not drinking has been the vehicle that I have used to become the next (and more amazing) version of myself. Everything in my life changed for the better when I stopped drinking. And I am so thankful for that!”
What was the moment you decided to rethink drinking?
I don’t think it was a single moment. It was many moments strung together. Lots of questioning. Self doubt. Self loathing. Constantly beating myself up for not being able to drink like a “normal person.” I think at some point, the pain of living with all of that became less than the pain of actually doing something about it.
Has the change in your relationship with alcohol been easy or difficult? What do you think contributed to this for you?
It has been both. Sometimes (most of the time now) it is easy and I know that it was absolutely the right decision. But there are moments - of which there are far fewer now - when I wish I could have a glass of wine (or sometimes a whole bottle) and I know that’s not the right choice for me right now. And that’s hard sometimes.
I think that ease that I feel most of the time has come from a few things.
A promise to always prioritize complete honesty with myself
Life coaching tools (and working with a life coach)
A willingness to experience discomfort
Have you learned anything about your health in relation to alcohol that was surprising or that you wish you had known earlier?
“I spent a lot of my days feeling so anxious about sleep, drinking to not feel the anxiety and then not being able to sleep because I drank. It might have been nice to not spend so many years like this!”
My body sent me a VERY clear message for a lot longer than I’d like to admit, that sleep and drinking cannot exist in the same night for me. I spent a lot of my days feeling so anxious about sleep, drinking to not feel the anxiety and then not being able to sleep because I drank. It might have been nice to not spend so many years like this!
What kind of tools/prompts/books/podcasts did you use to help you on your journey toward rethinking alcohol? Do you still use these tools?
Books
Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whittaker
We Are The Luckiest by Laura McKowen
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
Podcasts
Just One Glass (my own podcast)
Working with a life coach and then going on to get certified as a life coach to help others do the same have also been an incredibly important part of my journey.
Do you feel apprehensive about sharing your decision to rethink alcohol with others in your family/social group?
I used to. But now I want to shout it from the rooftops! (or all over the internet, I suppose - hence, the podcast!)
What are some benefits you have experienced since rethinking the place alcohol holds in your life?
The biggest one is that I have so much space in my brain now that I am not constantly thinking about my drinking or dealing with the fallout of my drinking. Or simply spending so much time feeling awful (emotionally or physically). I have so much more time now!
Other notable benefits:
Better sleep
More stable mood
Hormone balance (my cycles are better)
I also like that when I socialize and don’t drink, I get to fully show up as myself - as opposed to a slightly buzzed or drunk version of myself.
What were some common triggers you noticed that caused you to want to grab a glass of wine and what are you doing now to surf the urge?
The biggest one was overwhelm and stress. When I’ve had a long/stressful/exhausting/annoying/frustrating day, reaching for a glass of wine is still sometimes an urge I experience.
“I also like that when I socialize and don’t drink, I get to fully show up as myself - as opposed to a slightly buzzed or drunk version of myself.”
Now when I get the urge, I just allow it to be there.
Pushing against it only makes it stronger. So I acknowledge that it's there. I feel it in my body. And then I move on with whatever I’m doing. I take the feeling with me. It is like carrying a backpack. I can still cook dinner if I’m having an urge. I can still mother my children and be a good parent, even if I’m having an urge. I can still fully enjoy myself at dinner out with my husband, even if I’m having an urge.
And the most fascinating thing is that when I allow it to be there, it doesn't stick around. At least not at the strength and volume that it used to.
How did removing alcohol from your life contribute to your role as caregiver and/or as a working professional?
Life is better in every category. I have taken my business to the next level of success. I am a better and more present wife and mother. I am far more creative and have way more energy. I get so much more done!
How has your physical activity benefited from removing alcohol?
I would say it's similar. However I enjoy it way more now because my body just feels better in general.
What is your top piece of advice that you would give to someone who might want to rethink drinking?
Just know that you’re not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. Find others on the same page and talk about it. It doesn't mean that you have to stop drinking right then and there. Just start to notice and surround yourself with people who are doing what you would like to be doing.
About Michelle Kapler
Michelle Kapler is a Certified Life Coach, specializing in overdrinking and alcohol freedom. She works with high achieving, type-a, millennial mothers, who want to explore their relationship with alcohol, without judgement and without labels. Learn more about Michelle here.
