Inspiring Women Who Are Rethinking Drinking Volume 3

Meet Ashley

Learn about Ashley’s journey to rethink drinking.

Meet Ashley, a passionate nature-lover and explorer who began rethinking and reworking her relationship with alcohol after realizing that it couldn’t provide the healing she needed in her life. Ashley spoke with us about the lessons she’s learned along her rethinking journey, such as how alcohol can be a brutal, double-edged sword: though it may make you a fun person in the moment, it can also be a tricky obstacle standing in the way of meaningful transformation. Check out her beautifully inspiring story below.  

Tell us a bit about yourself — what do you do for a living? What makes you happy?

My name is Ashley and I’m 38 years old. I am a former bartender and as of fairly recently, a former heavy equipment operator, specializing in road and mining construction throughout the province of Alberta and the Fort McMurray Oil Sands. In 2018 I left the construction industry and began working at a law firm in the city as a receptionist and unofficial office manager of sorts.

What makes me happy are just the simple things really: I love nature and being outdoors, exploring and adventuring. I am an avid hiker, taking off to the mountains as often as possible, either by myself or with my incredible group of girlfriends. I love to road-trip, getting into my SUV and hitting an open highway is therapy for me. I follow the sun and love catching a beautiful sunrise/sunset every chance I get; you’ll often find me running in the river valley at the crack of dawn. That’s another thing that makes me happy, moving my body and pushing myself physically and mentally. And of course, spending time with family and friends. 

What role has alcohol played in your life?

Alcohol played a huge role in my life for two reasons: A) due to my line of work, I mean the best bartenders are the ones who know their booze — drinks after a crazy shift or long day on the job was always a thing. It’s how you bonded with your co-workers. At first I loved drinking, it was FUN, and I do thoroughly enjoy the taste. Alcohol brought me out of my shell and I could get away with being someone I wasn’t by blaming it on being drunk. Of course, as the years went on and my drinking progressed it turned very ugly and then I didn’t even know who I was or why I was drinking anymore. I just did it because suddenly it was a part of me.

“Alcohol brought me out of my shell and I could get away with being someone I wasn’t by blaming it on being drunk.”

Trauma coping. Without getting into a ton of detail, I have trauma from my childhood and until I started going to therapy (also in 2018) I didn’t realize my alcohol consumption was part of the process to numb it. 

What was the moment you decided to rethink drinking?

I had hit rock bottom in 2018 for the second time after yet another bad break-up from a toxic relationship. I began to closely examine my life and my actions as I entered the excruciating healing process. I started to dive deep into energy work and meditation, but was still drinking on the weekends. In 2019 my shaman healer gently suggested I avoid alcohol if I wanted to go even deeper into the work, so I committed to stop drinking for the remainder of the year. A total of 3 months. I then challenged myself to stay sober for all of 2020 (little did I know what the year would bring!).

Has the change in your relationship with alcohol been easy or difficult? What do you think contributed to this for you? 

Honestly, it was easy. I have a very colourful past and there have been many mistakes and regrets due to alcohol. Many times I would cry and say out loud, “God, please help me” as I was coming home from another night out. To put it bluntly, I finally got sick of my own stuff and constantly starting over. When I quit drinking it was because I was 100% finally ready for it. 

“When I quit drinking it was because I was 100% finally ready for it. ”

Have you learned anything about your health in relation to alcohol that was surprising or that you wish you had known earlier? 

Not my health per se, but definitely my personality. I used alcohol to really let my wild side shine, to be the person I was too shy to be. Since giving up drinking, I’ve realized that I’m actually quite anxious and uptight. It’s been interesting to navigate that from a sober point of view and learn to just breathe and let certain things go.

What kind of tools/prompts/books/podcasts did you use to help you on your journey toward rethinking alcohol? Do you still use these tools? 

To be honest, I was straight up determined to better myself and my life, so it was just sheer will. That being said, I’ve done traditional therapy and energy healing (shamanism & reiki), yoga, meditation and manifestation work, and I’ve read numerous personal development and spiritual books, as well as listened to podcasts in the same category to heal my trauma. Some of my favourite books are: Conversations with God, The Great Work of Your Life, Man’s Search for Meaning, The Bhagavad Gita, The Body Keeps the Score, The Surrender Experiment, Think Like a Monk, and Atomic Habits. Podcasts are: To Be Magnetic and The School of Greatness – to be honest, podcasts are not my favourite thing. 

Turning my focus toward further developing my physical fitness has obviously also been a great tool as well.

Do you feel apprehensive about sharing your decision to rethink alcohol with others in your family/social group?

No, not at all. When I went through the deep healing in 2018 I completely shut myself off from everyone for almost an entire year. When I resurfaced, only my very best friends remained and I built an entirely new friend group based on the person I wanted to be/was becoming. I now only surround myself with people who inspire and support me to be the best version of myself. Besides, I’m incredibly secure in my decision to quit drinking and don’t care what anyone thinks about it. I know what my life was like then and I know how much better it is now. 

“ I now only surround myself with people who inspire and support me to be the best version of myself. Besides, I’m incredibly secure in my decision to quit drinking and don’t care what anyone thinks about it. I know what my life was like then and I know how much better it is now. ”

What are some benefits you have experienced since rethinking the place alcohol holds in your life? 

I don’t wake up with regrets or anxiety! Everything is clear, there is no constant hangover fog, and I’m able to feel, process and move through difficult emotions organically. Also, instead of blacking out and missing things, I remember every great experience.

What were some common triggers you noticed that caused you to want to grab a glass of wine and what are you doing now to surf the urge?

As I said before, I did thoroughly enjoy alcohol, so I always had a glass of something with me. The main triggers though would’ve been wine with dinner, a beer on the summit and a bottle (let’s be honest) of wine or a whiskey on a patio after a big hike. Thankfully they make great non-alcoholic beer and I’ve used that a lot, especially in the summer. Otherwise I’ll just have water or coffee. Sometimes I’ll go for a fun mocktail, but I’m always weary of the sugar content in those. 

How did removing alcohol from your life contribute to your role as caregiver and/or as a working professional?

One thing I can say is that I rarely missed work because of alcohol, but I was always hungover, irritable, and not in the best shape to be performing my duties. Especially as an equipment operator. I thank God every day that I was never involved in any kind of incident because of it. Now I feel energetic, motivated, able to focus and like I’m on my A game most of the time; I’m definitely a lot more pleasant to be around!

How has your physical activity benefited from removing alcohol?

My physical activity has improved significantly and it’s one of the most important things in my life. I’m starting to achieve times and distances during my runs that I never thought were possible before, I’m hitting bigger hikes/higher summits, and spending more time in the gym as I work toward some specific goals. 

What is your top piece of advice that you would give to someone who might want to rethink drinking?

“You need to be absolutely ready when you quit. It’s not something you can do half way. Start with small goals, a week or a month at a time alcohol free.”

You need to be absolutely ready when you quit. It’s not something you can do half way. Start with small goals, a week or a month at a time alcohol free. This is a hard one, but you will need to look at your immediate peer group and may have to separate yourself for a while if they are people who consume a lot of alcohol. Find alternatives like non-alcoholic beer if you’re going to find yourself in a setting you’d normally drink in. And get a hobby that requires you to be sober, something you’d rather do than drink. Follow pages on social media for inspo and reach out to people who’ve had success rethinking drinking. There are many different avenues to take, but ultimately you just have to find what works for you. And just know that change is entirely possible when you want it, it’s tough at first, but it gets easier and you get stronger. Hold a higher version of yourself in your mind and the universe will help you achieve it – cheesy and cliché to say perhaps, but it’s so damn true. 

About Ashley Lambert

Ashley is 38 years old, single, (believing wholeheartedly that in order to attract the person you want, you first need to become that person), and happily kid free. A former grader operator, she’s now chosen to explore her career options in a more stable office environment working as a receptionist and training to be a legal assistant at a personal injury law firm in Edmonton. She has been committed to deep inner work/healing since leaving construction in 2018 and has been a non drinker since 2019. One of Ashley’s goals is to learn from what life has thrown at her to be the best version of herself and lead by example to help others to the same.