Inspiring Women Who Are Rethinking Drinking Volume 1
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Meet nICOLE
Read more about Nicole’s journey to rethink drinking.
Meet Nicole: a mother, avid runner and inspiring woman who is rethinking drinking. We got the chance to interview Nicole on her journey of rethinking drinking for 180 days and counting. Check out her story below.
What was the moment you decided to rethink drinking?
For me it was a build-up… 2020 was a difficult year as it was for everybody. I broke my wrist shortly after the pandemic and went on leave from my job. The healing process was grueling and unlike anything I had ever gone through. After 4 very long months, I returned to work and was let go on my first day back. It was like the rug was ripped out from under me. I had such high hopes of being able to return and hit the ground running, and it felt like I was punched in the gut.
After being let go and having to job hunt, I noticed myself reaching for drinks more days than not. I was starting to let that little voice that was encouraging me to have a drink because after all, what else did I have going on takeover and woke up most mornings feeling disappointed with myself. I also started noticing my run to the LCBO to ‘stock up for the weekend’ becoming more frequent and more expensive. I wasn’t feeling good about anything in my life and looking back I now realize I was wallowing in my own self-pity.
I started a new job in December, which helped with my self confidence and somewhat helped me get back on track. I found myself telling somebody one day that Wednesdays were my most productive day, and it then hit me that they were my most productive because I wasn’t hungover. I would typically drink Thursday – Sunday evenings, so I felt like crap Monday because I was largely hungover and Tuesday because my poor body was trying to recover from the crap I was putting it through. That realization woke something up in me and forced me to face what I had been unwilling to admit.
I picked January 1st as my start date, originally telling myself that I was only going to commit to one month. Within the first 3 weeks, I felt better than I had in years and realized that I didn’t want to go back to the old me. I didn’t want the hangover anxiety. I didn’t want to wonder if I had said anything stupid the night before, or wake up on the couch at 4am because I fell asleep (passed out) watching a movie with my hubby… I was done with all of that. I found myself some good alcohol-free alternatives and set my intentions to give up booze for good.
Has it been easy or difficult and what do you think contributed to that for you?
It’s been slightly easier than I thought, however that’s largely due to the lack of social events on my calendar.
I was very private when I first made the decision to quit drinking, as a lot of our social life revolves around getting together for ‘drinks’. I felt like the odd one out, and I wasn’t sure how to field questions around why I was making the choice to give up alcohol. I would say telling people was harder than the actual act of not drinking.
I also found reading very helpful in my first few months. The Unexpected Joys of Being Sober really hit home and solidified my decision. There is actually a paragraph that really stuck with me about how your brain functions once you’ve made a definitive decision. In this case, I found that putting a clear steak in the ground and committing to myself that I was done with drinking helped quite that little voice in my head that thought a glass of wine would be a good idea.
Have you learned anything about your health in relation to alcohol that was surprising or you wish you had known earlier?
The more I read about the effects of alcohol on women’s health, the more I felt sick to my stomach that I had spent so many years doing that to my body! I’m ashamed to admit, but I’m one of those drinkers who blacks out more often than not. Understanding what was happening to my brain when I was blacking out was a really scary realization. Basically, by brain stopped storing short term memories (because I was more or less pickling it). Your body keeps on functioning, but your brain doesn’t remember anything. Zip. Zilch. Nothing. This was a very scary realization (as it should be). Even the thought that I could have done something that could have put myself in danger makes me feel awful. I still carry a lot of guilt and shame because of that.
What kind of tools/prompts/books/podcasts did you use?
My favourite book was The Unexpected Joys of Being Sober. It was a perfect mix of serious and funny. It was that gentle nudge I needed to send me in the right direction. Anything preachy or judgmental just wouldn’t have worked for me.
I also started following a lot of Sober Positive people on Instagram as well.
It would be a miss if I didn’t acknowledge the support from my loving family. My husband hasn’t questioned my decision once. Not one time since I’ve committed to not drinking has he slipped and offered me a glass of wine. He’s not much of a drinker, so it makes it much easier.
My mom has also been a huge support for me. She has been sober for over 10 years and was my sounding board when I made my decision. I was honestly a little nervous to tell her, as the thought of slipping up and letting her down was unbearable. I knew that the moment I told her, similar to when I told my children, had to be it. I could not – and will not - let my mother down.
What are some benefits you have experienced since being 180 days sober?
So many benefits it’s hard to decide where to start! One of the first things I noticed after a week or so sober was just the mental clarity, and even visual clarity. It sounds silly, but it felt like I could see things more clearly. Maybe it was just that I didn’t have the hangover fog.
I have noticed that my skin is clearer, and my hair and nails are stronger and healthier. My temper has improved and I feel like I have more patients dealing with stress (which is key while trying to work full time and help 2 kids through virtual learning).
I will say I’m surprised I haven’t lost more weight, but I’ve been cautious to be kind to myself. If I reach for a snack instead of a glass of wine, I’m winning in my books.
The anxiety is still there, and I imagine it will be for some time. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression my entire life and I know that drinking made it 1000x worse. I still struggle, but it’s nothing compared to the hangover anxiety I used to have!
What were some common triggers you noticed that caused you to want to grab a glass of wine and what are you doing now to surf the urge?
Stress… big time! I had a really hard day at work recently and my first thought was how I would have immediately reached for a bottle of wine when my task was done. It was actually a challenge to busy myself and find a distraction that didn’t involve a drink.
I do always have NA wine and beverages on hand so that if I need the action of having a drink, I have something on hand that isn’t water or juice.
I also find I’m just in a better position overall to talk out my stress rather than just drink it away. I had an experience just last week where something at work set me into a frenzy. I made a comment about something and my son asked if I was alright, because I seemed on edge. I was able to explain what had happened and how it made me feel, but that I was able to work through it and find out that the problem I thought was there actually wasn’t after all. And nobody died, and it wasn’t the end of the world. Hearing myself explain it to my son actually helped turn off the panic. The old me wouldn’t have done that. I would have just chalked it up to a shit day and drank away the stress.
How did removing drinking from your life contribute to your role as mom/caregiver?
This was a big one for me, but I have to admit that it wasn’t a driver. I didn’t realize how much my drinking was affecting my kids until after I had stopped. Once I made the decision for myself, I told my kids to help with my accountability, as I knew that once I told them, I would be even more determined to stick with it.
It really hit me when I realized how happy they were to hear my news and how our relationship has changed since I quit. It comes up in conversation from time to time, especially when I’m drinking a NA beer or glass of wine. I’m always careful to let them know that I’m drinking an NA version. I honestly had no idea how idea how my drinking was impacting them.
Our communication has deeply improved since I stopped drinking. I have a very open relationship with my kids and encourage them to ask me anything (and promise that I’ll be honest with them). We’ve had some deep conversations about why I chose not to drink, and why it’s a very personal choice that not everybody feels the same about. I explain to them that some adults have an off button when it comes to alcohol and can enjoy a few drinks responsibly. I explain that Mommy’s off button is broken, so rather than attempt to have a few drinks, I just chose to remove alcohol all together. My goal is to keep these healthy conversations going, because they will one day have to make that decision for themselves.
How has your running benefited from removing alcohol?
I haven’t been running as much as I would like, but when I do get out, I feel a massive difference. My legs feel lighter and I’m not running with a ‘fog’. I’ve always viewed running as a kind of therapy for myself, and now my mental clarity has brough a whole new level of appreciation for said therapy.
I feel freer with my thoughts and I’m not consumed with guilt from trying to piece together an evening that happened the previous weekend, digging to the depths of my brain to see if I could uncover something stupid I may have said or did and just ending up feeling shame and guilt. It’s liberating to be free of those thoughts.
Now that I feel like I’m in a rhythm with being sober, I’m going to prioritize my fitness again and plan on signing up for a virtual half-marathon and setting myself some running goals. I always find it better to stick with my goals when I have a plan! I’m already registered to run the Chicago Marathon in 2022 (another event that COVID ruined), so I don’t intend on stopping any time soon 😊
Top piece of advice to someone who might want to rethink drinking?
Do it for yourself and understand that there is no ‘right’ time! There will always be birthday’s, Celebrations, Girls Weekends, and the list goes on. If I had been waiting for the ‘right’ time, it never would have happened.
In the same vein, the time has to be right for you. If I had tried to stop drinking when I wasn’t 100% ready, it wouldn’t have worked. I’ve stopped in the past while preparing for a race or for Dry January, but it never stuck. Because this time I did a lot of sole searching and made the decision that was right for me and only me (although obviously as previously mentioned, it impacted my family as well – call it an added benefit)
About Nicole Lambe:
Nicole is a very active mother of two who has worked in advertising for nearly 20 years. Nicole loves long-distance running and has completed 2 marathons, 5 half-marathons and countless 10k races. Along with running, Nicole has a passion for learning and enjoys reading at least one non-fiction book a month on a new subject.
Nicole is also passionate about giving back to her community and has been involved with the Girl Guides of Canada for 6 years, and is the treasurer for her children's Parent Council.
